Ramblings: Strength
I tell myself over and over again that it is Ok to be bipolar. That God gave me this "affliction" for a reason. That yes, this is a weakness, but with help from Him I can fight the battles he's given me. I repeat several times daily Hebrews 11:34 -"Out of weakness, they were made stronger". I am somehow stronger because of this weakness. I've heard it said many times, it's ok to cry and I always remember this verse when I do, but something feels wrong.
Let me preface this by saying I am not sexist, I value a woman as much as a man, and I also value this affliction and those afflicted like I.
Recently I've read many blogs written by those afflicted with bipolar disorder. All but two have been men, and each one is struggling just as much or more than I. They all have someone to lean on, someone to cry to, someone to fall before at thier weakest point.
I feel like I have to be the strength, the solid rock of my relationship with my fiance. I feel as if the only time I can cry, the only time I can release what needs to be released is when I am conversing with God, or pouring my heart into my journal, or this blog, all of which my fiance has no part in. I feel as if it's ok for the women I read about to run to thier "understanding" husbands or boyfriends. I know my fiance needs strength and wants to be led. We have been at a very fragile point recently and I feel like running to her with my feelings would only lessen her "trust" in me as the head of the household.
This is why I'm looking fervently forward to premarital counseling. I think this will come up and the pastor and my fiance will both help me find a way to lean on her without putting all of my emotional weight into it (I've got plenty - believe me).
We can't stand being apart. We both need the other. When we're apart we really feel lost and incomplete. This is most of the explanation of why we have been struggling. We spent a couple days together, and as usual they were wonderfully amazing. Only four more days until we see each other every day until we get married!
As cloudy as it may sometimes seem... I am so happy I proposed... I'm so happy fate dropped us together in the exact places we were almost one year ago. I want the relationship we have with each other and God to grow. This pyramid is our strong fortress that sustains us, and I happily look forward to buildingn upon this rock solid foundation......I've said it many times to many people, but have never meant it the way I do when I say it now... I love her.
Let me preface this by saying I am not sexist, I value a woman as much as a man, and I also value this affliction and those afflicted like I.
Recently I've read many blogs written by those afflicted with bipolar disorder. All but two have been men, and each one is struggling just as much or more than I. They all have someone to lean on, someone to cry to, someone to fall before at thier weakest point.
I feel like I have to be the strength, the solid rock of my relationship with my fiance. I feel as if the only time I can cry, the only time I can release what needs to be released is when I am conversing with God, or pouring my heart into my journal, or this blog, all of which my fiance has no part in. I feel as if it's ok for the women I read about to run to thier "understanding" husbands or boyfriends. I know my fiance needs strength and wants to be led. We have been at a very fragile point recently and I feel like running to her with my feelings would only lessen her "trust" in me as the head of the household.
This is why I'm looking fervently forward to premarital counseling. I think this will come up and the pastor and my fiance will both help me find a way to lean on her without putting all of my emotional weight into it (I've got plenty - believe me).
We can't stand being apart. We both need the other. When we're apart we really feel lost and incomplete. This is most of the explanation of why we have been struggling. We spent a couple days together, and as usual they were wonderfully amazing. Only four more days until we see each other every day until we get married!
As cloudy as it may sometimes seem... I am so happy I proposed... I'm so happy fate dropped us together in the exact places we were almost one year ago. I want the relationship we have with each other and God to grow. This pyramid is our strong fortress that sustains us, and I happily look forward to buildingn upon this rock solid foundation......I've said it many times to many people, but have never meant it the way I do when I say it now... I love her.
2 Comments:
I was under the name "Betty Boop" but now under "Dream Writer." Sorry for the confusion.
Your writing is very expressive, I'm glad you're sharing your life with us.
As a woman, one of the greatest strengths a man can have, in my opinion, is to show his weaknesses at times. I don't mean to be a blubbering cry baby, but to be man enough to be weak & admit it to your wife. To me, that is the true strength of a man.
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