Ramblings: Fine Lines
The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.
There is a fine line between two lovers that should always be addressed, but is most often left unspoken and unresolved. How should I act and think as a husband? I know it's drastically different than the way I act and think as a single man. I am to be responsible for the welfare of two people now instead of just myself.
Of my many traits with BP, I have found the most easy to come by is my confidence levels. For the most part they are extremely high, and at times become rather inflated. When my fiance expresses doubts and nervousness looking at a life with me, I cannot help but be offended and deeply cut. Her lack of confidence makes it almost impossible for me to supress any resentment I feel because of it. If I didn't have confidence in her abilities or her in general I wouldn't want to marry her, I know that.
She's been hurt. Hurt bad. She can't trust men, she can't let go of the pain, and she can't love me with all of her heart sometimes. I understand this, but I still take it personal every time I'm given attitude. I feel as though she should "submit" to me and have confidence in where I will lead us. I also feel that deep down she thinks she should lead and be the head of the household because men aren't to be trusted...........
There's a very thin torn line I am walking between the seemingly impossible tasks of fighting her pain and fighting her...
It's tiresome
There is a fine line between two lovers that should always be addressed, but is most often left unspoken and unresolved. How should I act and think as a husband? I know it's drastically different than the way I act and think as a single man. I am to be responsible for the welfare of two people now instead of just myself.
Of my many traits with BP, I have found the most easy to come by is my confidence levels. For the most part they are extremely high, and at times become rather inflated. When my fiance expresses doubts and nervousness looking at a life with me, I cannot help but be offended and deeply cut. Her lack of confidence makes it almost impossible for me to supress any resentment I feel because of it. If I didn't have confidence in her abilities or her in general I wouldn't want to marry her, I know that.
She's been hurt. Hurt bad. She can't trust men, she can't let go of the pain, and she can't love me with all of her heart sometimes. I understand this, but I still take it personal every time I'm given attitude. I feel as though she should "submit" to me and have confidence in where I will lead us. I also feel that deep down she thinks she should lead and be the head of the household because men aren't to be trusted...........
There's a very thin torn line I am walking between the seemingly impossible tasks of fighting her pain and fighting her...
It's tiresome
2 Comments:
Wow...such powerful words you used to describe a marriage - they were so poetic and romantic. Your words sound like my own relationship. Yes, I've been hurt because of men, too, and I used to do things to push my fiance away, thinking we were going to break up anyway, yet he always stayed, he never left. He's my "rock". It's taken awhile, but I rarely do it anymore, even though it used to be such a natural instinct. Just give her time...I know it hurts, and I know I hurt him too, but he came with HIS own baggage that I had to discredit about women, and I'm sure there's got to be SOMETHING about you that she helps you through? I'm so sorry you feel so much pain...
I don't think you have to fight her. Her questionning you may be her saving grace. What I mean by that is this: She may not feel confident in herself & her decisions. So, that may lead to her questionning you...only because she questions herself. And if you were someone else, say a man who wouldn't treat her well, her protection mechanism would be a very good thing. It would protect her.
The fact that she keeps testing you, or whatever word describes it, isn't necessarily bad. After time, she'll learn that she can trust you & that she can lean on you. (I hope this makes sense)
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